Engagement Party Make Your Own

Question: Should i go to my friend's engagement party?

(Posted by: flashlight9 on 2010-01-29 12:27:25)

My good, good friend is throwing an engagement party relatively soon. The problem is that the party is four hours away and it's quite a hassle making time in the semester to make a trip home. Also, I think it is important to note that my friend is already married. They already eloped but I guess they are throwing a real wedding next fall...But, it's like they aren't even technically engaged. The whole party seems kind of redundant. Could I just send a gift and see her at the rehearsal dinner (I'm in the wedding)? I just wanted to clarify that this IS an ENGAGEMENT party. I don't understand it either. But that is straight from the Bride's mouth..(confused look).

Posted by: Perse on 2010-01-29, 13:03:36

I think four hours is not so far that you could technically make it, but far enough you shouldn't feel obligated. Also, it doesn't sound like this is too formal of an event given the couple has already married and isn't going about things in a traditional way. And, most importantly, it doesn't sound like you want to go, so don't. Sending a gift is fine, but given you are in the wedding party try to make a point to see your friend more between now and the wedding, don't wait until the rehearsal dinner. If you're really not such good friends, maybe excuse yourself from your role in the wedding party.

Posted by: I love my love on 2010-01-29, 12:34:12

Ok well you can't have an engagement party after you're married. you can only have an engagement party while you're engaged. so you should boycott the party for that reason. also 8 hours round trip is too far to travel for such an event. a wedding is one thing but an engagement party is not that big a deal. don't bother sending an engagement gift, you're going to spend a ton of money as it is if you're in the wedding. you have to pay for the shower plus shower gift, dress and shoes, hair and makeup, and wedding gift. and travel and hotel expenses so if you're flush right now, send an engagement gift but if I were you I'd save your money. this whole trend of having a wedding after you're married just bugs me, I don't know where people get off doing that...

Posted by: CorpCityGrl on 2010-01-29, 12:34:18

If they are already engaged, then it's not an engagement party. It's not redundant, it's rude. Considering you are in school and 4 hours away and they ARE already married, I think it would be fine if you skipped it. Give them your regrets and send a gift.

Posted by: alexis88883 on 2010-01-29, 12:40:45

If she is married, she can't have an engagement party. Sounds like it is a party to celebrate their getting married... oh wait, you say they are going to have a wedding soon too? I have no idea. I have never heard of this before.

Posted by: Avis B on 2010-01-29, 12:43:12

A couple who is already married should NOT be hosting their own engagement party. Even a couple who are NOT married should not host their own engagement party. If this is any indication of what their wedding will be like, then save your time, money, and effort. If you want to buy this couple something then make it a Wedding Etiquette book and then mail it with your best wishes ASAP. And just for the record, an engagement party is not "a gift giving event. " Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Posted by: Ms. X on 2010-01-29, 12:44:35

How rude to not only throw yourself an engagement party, but be ALREADY MARRIED and throw your self an engagement party! I wouldn't be surprised if she's even registered for gifts for this so-called engagement party. (And BTW, engagement parties are not gift-giving occasions.) You are under no obligation to go to this so-called engagement party. Skip it and don't feel the slightest bit guilty about it. The party is an inappropriate exercise in vanity, for which there's no need to waste your time with an 8-hour round trip. P.S. She's CALLING the party and engagement party. I can call a dog a duck, but it's still a dog. :-)

Posted by: shelby on 2010-01-29, 12:47:40

Well maybe they shouldn't have eloped if they wanted to do all of the "normal " wedding stuff. An engagement party AFTER they're married sounds more like a "give us gifts " party...I suggest you skip out, but in a way that won't hurt her feelings...

Posted by: Elsie on 2010-01-29, 13:11:38

No, I wouldn't go. First of all, your friend has no business hosting her own engagement party. The parents of the bride are supposed to host the engagement party, and if they don't offer, then the parents of the groom should host it. If neither set of parents offer to host the engagement party, the the couple just doesn't have one. It sounds to me like your friend is regretting not getting all the usual trappings of a traditional engagement and wedding, but it was her choice to elope, and when you make that choice, then you have to accept the consequences that go along with it. The fact that they are already married makes this "engagement party " a complete joke. Personally, I wouldn't go, nor would I send a gift, mainly because it appears to me that that's exactly why they are throwing this party--to get the gifts they would have gotten if they'd had a traditional wedding.

Posted by: Visualize Whirled Peas on 2010-01-29, 13:13:29

I'd send a nice note (US Mail, not a freakin text).

Posted by: curious on 2010-01-29, 13:44:18

It would be fine to send her a gift (if you want) & just go to the rehearsal dinner. Make sure to tell your you're sorry but you won't be able to make it to the engagement party. Weddings after already being married are stupid.

Posted by: K on 2010-01-29, 15:16:12

Wow. These people have some gall. They're already married. Having a reception would be proper, but all this engagement party/ wedding crap is bull. Very, very inproper.

Posted by: Terri on 2010-01-30, 05:03:55

If you are quite a distance and you are busy, decline politely and send a card. They are already married, they are just looking for gifts (or they could be unmaterialistic and just want to celebrate their marriage). Send a card.