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Posted by: aspasia on 2010-01-31, 08:21:15
Do not worry to much about following etiquette rules, or about being "correct ", or getting it "right " (unless of course correctness is very important to YOU). Most people you will be inviting don't read wedding etiquette boards or books or magazines, and won't know what is correct anyway. The truly correct form, as defined by your country's Secretary of State's or Lord Chamberlaine's protocol office, requires a lot of attention to detail that most bride's don't want to put out, and that most guests don't care about. Instead, focus on making sure that you are *clear* about who is invited, and try not to hurt anyone's feelings. If you haven't had your wedding invitations printed yet, it's a good idea to have the guests' names printed right on the invitation using mail-merge techniques (modern printers can do this) or leave a blank line to write the guests' names in by hand (this was the correct form when engraving first came into use). If you already have them printed without the guests' names, then use inner envelopes to record the guests' names. The outer envelope shouldn't have anything on it but the name of the female head of the household (as a rule in Britain, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and most non-USA English-speaking countries) or (in the US) of the two joint heads of the household. This is because the names of children, and who is dating whom, are private information you shouldn't be making public. You cannot be sure which of your guests do or don't have secure mailboxes. On the inner envelope or the invitation itself, you should list the actual names of everyone invited: not "John Smith and Family " but rather "Mr Smith and Mrs Smith, Jennifer, Brandon and Rachel ". Use the same level of formality to address your guests as you use for your invitations and the rest of your wedding style. If you are having a "black tie " affair, then use "Mr and Mrs Smith ". If you are having a back-yard reception use "John and Jane Smith ". In general, your style and formality should be generally in keeping with the style by which you live your regular life. If you've never in your life referred to people as "Mr and Mrs Smith ", you'll sound and feel phoney if you do it just for your wedding. For couples who aren't married and aren't living together, you should send each one his or her own separate invitation. That way you aren't implying that one of them is your "real " friend and the other is just being invited because you "have to ". For couples who ARE living together, you should treat them just as if they were married. Which means, yes, you address it to "Michelle Fisher and Matt Stone " -- exactly as you would if Michelle had simply decided to keep her own name after marriage. You don't have to address everyone the same way. You can address your old Sunday School teacher as "Mrs Smith " even if you address your conteporaries as "Tom and Betty Jones ". However, if you decide to go the "Mr and Mrs route, remember that the polite way to address someone is the way THEY wish to be addressed. If your old mentor has happily considered herself to be "Mrs John Smith " or "Miss Betty Jones " all her life, it isn't up to YOU to decide to be politically correct and call her "Mrs Jane Smith " or "Ms Jones ". For people over 18 who live in a conjoint household -- whether with their parents, or with room-mates even if their room-mates are brothers and sisters -- each single adult should get his or her own invitation. But, having said all of that from the perspective of a very formal lady who DOES care about formally correct proper form, don't let any of it worry you except for the few things that might hurt or offend your guests. If it's something that won't upset them, it shouldn't upset you, either. |
