Wedding Invitations Make Your Own

Question: Who has the control over wedding invitations?

(Posted by: Beatriz M on 2010-03-08 11:40:51)

I'm getting married in November. My MIL is not going to contribute monetarily for the wedding. The reception accommodates 125 people and her guest list is almost half of the reception capacity (65people) And I don't even know them. They see those people hardly once a year. Should I cut his guest list so I can accommodate more people in my family? Whom I see at least weekly? (My family does a lot a parties) I like the idea of giving her a limit of guests as one person said (5 couples or 10 people) which might not be already on the official guest list

Posted by: CorpCityGrl on 2010-03-08, 12:15:11

Here is the big mistake many brides make in guest lists--they do not put their foot down and assert some kind of control. What you and your fiance need to do is sit down together and come up with a guest list on your own. When this is done, figure out how many people you have total and how many slots you essentially have open. Then, go to each side of the family and allott them a certain number of spots. I know with us, we came up with our own guest list which pretty much covered all the family that both sets of parents would've included. We then told each parent that they can invite 15 other people that they choose. Noone argued with us on this and there were no problems because they completely understood and wanted to keep costs down. Your wedding day should include people you want. I understand parents' desire to show off on that day, but they also have to be told that considering the amount of money it takes to put together a wedding it can't be a free for all. Sometimes though, the guest list isn't completely even and that's okay. But the important part of it is that they guest list is fair and includes the people YOU want to be there and not some strangers who you, your fiance or even your parents barely know or see.

Posted by: LT on 2010-03-08, 11:44:01

You and your BF, future husband need to go over the list and now decide who to cut/ invite now. All your future MIL did is give you a list.

Posted by: nova_queen_28 on 2010-03-08, 11:46:02

I think you should come up with your list and your fiance should come up with his list - just keep in mind that the guest count is rarely perfectly even between the brides family & grooms family but you don't want it to be 90% one side 10% another, unless that is just how your numbers work out. THEN - and only then - should you offer your parents & future in-laws any open spaces that you can afford to allow additional guests to fill. My fiance & I allowed our parents each 10 invites (5 couples) to invite anyone they wanted to our wedding after we had come up with our own lists of family that we wanted to invite. Also, how frequently your fiance sees his relatives might not be the appropriate deciding factor. I have family that live in another country so I see them very rarely (every few years). Yet, we e-mail and call often and are actually quite close.

Posted by: shannon052865 on 2010-03-08, 11:46:52

It's your wedding, so it's your list. I think it's better to share that occasion with the family and friends you are closest with. Not a bunch of strangers. But getting your MIL to see that is a different story. Good luck!

Posted by: Ashley D on 2010-03-08, 11:51:46

Your wedding, your list. MIL is not paying for anything, so she gets no say. end of story

Posted by: going crazy bride on 2010-03-08, 11:54:05

You need to talk this over with your fiance it is half his wedding too weather his parents are paying or not. I wish I had your problem only 4 ppl came from my husbands side and it devastated him.

Posted by: truefirstedition on 2010-03-08, 11:59:55

This is something that you and your fiance need to decide together. Remember, these guests aren't just your MIL's - they're your fiance's family and acquaintances. He probably won't like it if you summarily cut the number of his family/ friends by half without discussing it first. The two of you need to come to an agreement on what is a fair allocation of guests.

Posted by: Kiwi is my bird-o on 2010-03-08, 12:00:42

Um, it is up to you and your fiance who you want to invite to your wedding and no one else. You need to discuss it with HIM, not your MIL. Who knows he may want his Aunt whom he's only met 4 times in his life to be there.You never know unless you ask. But you need to tell you MIL respectfully that it is your wedding and you and your fiance are able to come up with your own guest list. I had to do that with my dad, who was coming up with his own list of his friends and clients of his business whom he thought should come to our wedding. We only wanted close family at our wedding, and I made it pretty clear to my dad that his friends were not welcome. It's your day, and you should share it with who you and your future husband want there, and not anyone else.

Posted by: KellahPanda on 2010-03-08, 12:01:36

You don't want to look back at the audience and know no one. You do need to accommodate to your NEW families wishes, whether you know them or not. I went through this debate, and I just am going to suck it up! The fact that she isn't giving any $ is rude, yet not a reason to stop others from enjoying your wedding. A wedding is more than you and him, it's joining a family together. You don't want only one half of the family there. TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION... You have the power of the invitations, you are the one who they will give the addresses to. If you don't want to give them an invite, then don't. But know you will have some backlash in the future. Congrats on your wedding, you're almost there!!! = )

Posted by: Greyt Grey on 2010-03-08, 12:05:05

Who has control over the invitations? Ultimately it’s the person who orders them. Who has control over the guest list? The person paying for the wedding. My husband and I paid for everything on our own. We came up with 50 % of the guest list together. My father invited another 25%. My husband’s family invited the remaining 25%. That kept one person from ‘hogging’ the guest list or capacity in the venue! Good luck.

Posted by: Nora on 2010-03-08, 12:23:26

Talk to your fiancee and let him talk to his Mother. She may not know that you can have only 125 guests. it is your call as you are paying

Posted by: Garnet Glitter on 2010-03-08, 13:32:06

The FAIR thing to do is half the list...your MIL gets half and she invites who she wishes and you get half, and ditto.... You have already indicated you have more than half..now you're gonna take MORE... You can not cut her list to accomodate your list when you have already given her those seats. It does not matter if YOU don't know them,,,betcha your fiance does and it's just as much about him and his family/ friends as it is about you and your family/ friends. Marriage is a partnership...play FAIR...and NOW is the time to start.